Caregiver's Diary: Clean Sweep

I am certain that my mother would not have behaved like this, and she would have come quite willingly along the path that her children were helping to lay out for her. I don’t believe elderly women, in general, would ever be this way – intractable, contrary, irascible, stubborn, rude. But then, the world was never a woman’s oyster: their loss is so much less that their outrage will never be as great.

My father’s greatest stubbornness is in the selling of his house. I am powerless to influence his line of thinking and have stopped trying. He bought his nice Maritime home several years ago in a strong real estate market, has done nothing to improve it, and is now quite convinced that he can sell it in a depressed market for one-third more than he paid. At the same time, he does not want to pay a real estate commission because he says he has paid too many of those already, having sold a total of three houses in his lifetime.

So my father’s house is for sale – but without the benefit of a listing agent, a sign, or a promotional campaign. He thinks I can put it on the Internet for him, or send notices around to people at the local university. I have owned 13 houses in my lifetime and thus have engaged in about 25 real estate transactions – but my advice on this subject means nothing to him. He is undeterred in his conviction that someone will chance along and pay him his full asking price. All I can do is allow him this belief for now, and see how it might change with the passage of time.

Fortunately there are some blessings to be counted – three in fact.

One, my father gave me permission to go through the house and throw away junk. To minimize friction I decided his study and bedroom were off limits, but I went through the rest of the house with abandon and he did not object once. And when I accidentally threw away his ancient pipe organ playing shoes (oddly they were stashed in the garage so it wasn’t totally my fault) he did not complain because he has been searching for an excuse to stop playing funerals and filling in on the organ bench, and now he has one. The handyman and I loaded up and removed two enormous trailer loads to the local recycling centre – a miracle!

Two, my father is in virtually no physical pain. Most elderly people his age are in constant pain, but he has none. In theory, the quality of his life is much better than average.

Three, he really has no financial worries. I think he comprehends this, although it does not alter his thinking about selling his house. He also wants me to be involved in financial decisions. I count my lucky stars that this process of helping my Dad to transition to a new home is not complicated by financial considerations. I know that he will be able to have whatever he needs, and in this regard he is vastly different from the majority of elderly Canadians.